biased advice: Henrietta Heartburn


I cheated on my girlfriend while on spring break. I obviously didn’t intend for this to happen and I feel terrible about it. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love her beyond words. Should I tell her or should I just hope she never finds out? I’m afraid the guilt would eat me alive.



Dear TH,

Here’s the thing, hot stuff, you did it. There’s no going back from that. So you need to tell her. It’ll be better hearing it from you rather than some random person. I would be honest. But just so you know, she’s going to be upset and if she’s a strong independent woman, she’ll probably leave you. So maybe if you kept your ~thing~ in your pants then you wouldn’t be needing this advice. Things happen, and it’s going to work out how needs to. Good luck,  -HH

Hey HH,

I want to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, but I’m not Irish and I don’t really know where to begin. It’s not exactly a holiday I know much about. How should I go about celebrating this event and does it matter if I’m not Irish?


Top of the morning to ya JY,

You’re in luck, ole Henrietta is actually Irish. Surprise! So I know all about celebrating St. Paddy Day! Basically, Saint Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland and we celebrate him by drinking a lot of alcohol (if you’re of age and do it responsibly). It doesn’t matter if you’re not Irish, the Irish have never turned anyone away from a good party! A few things you need (depending on your age) are: anything green, Guinness, and Jameson. Maybe listen to “Shipping Up to Boston” by the Dropkick Murphys and have a raging time.





Henrietta Heartburn exists to help you, the student body of UVa-Wise. If you have a burning question about internal combustion engines, roasting marshmallows or that feeling in your GI tract about three to four hours after eating Szechuan cuisine, send it to Henrietta at

If you have a question that doesn’t involve oxidizer/fuel mixtures, caramelized sugar or capsicum, you’re just not in Henrietta’s wheelhouse.

For entertainment purposes only. Federal income tax and tarriffs may apply. Null and void in Culbertson, Henson, McCraray and Martha Randolph halls – did we miss any dorms? If so, null and void there too!

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