Ask Miss Cindy: Studying vs. socializing, a friend’s suicide

Send relationship, roommate and any other difficult life questions with the subject “Ask Miss Cindy” to highlandcavalier@uvawise.edu to see them answered in a future print issue. Submissions can remain anonymous. 

Dear Miss Cindy, 

Ask Miss Cindy
Ask Miss Cindy

Coming to college I was prepared to take on a new workload and was excited to get my new life started. After I got here the best part was I made lots of new friends and have had a blast! 

Here’s the problem: with so many friends and so many things to do with them, I haven’t kept up with my work and my grades are dropping. I’m afraid if I tell my friends this they won’t support my decision to stay at home more so I can study and will pressure me into going out. 

How would you suggest I handle this situation? 

Thanks,
The Life of the Party 

Dear Life of the Party,

You already know that you need to stay home and study.

Part of the college process is what I call “weeding out the garden” — getting rid of the “bad” plants in order for the “good” plants to flourish and produce fruit. The first semester is all about the weeding process and only the strong survive.

Your friends will support you. Will they have any other choice? I hope not. Be firm, don’t cave in, bring your grades up. What is more important to you: success or failure? Please choose success.

Are you a weed? On the day of your graduation I want you to tell me that you aren’t!

— — — — — —

Dear Miss Cindy, 

I had a very good friend commit suicide a few years ago. I was raised to believe that if someone takes their own life that they are going to hell. My friend was a good person, would do anything for anyone and I loved him very much. After this happened it changed my mind on the subject and I don’t think he went to hell. I am not God, and I can’t judge anyone, but I just want to know that my friend is OK. What is your opinion on this? 

Thanks,
Hopeful 

Dear Hopeful,

The problem with this is that there are so many beliefs out there. It is a controversial subject, but I hope I can help you.

First of all, stop dwelling on it. Your friend made a choice. It falls back to one of my previous letters about life being driven by choices. I want you to choose to be successful and happy. Move forward.

Second, only God can see the heart of a man or woman. You’re right when you talk about judging. I’m a firm believer that without Jesus, we’ve all lost. Other people disagree with me. Judging others is one of the downfalls of our society. Just think of how beautiful our world would be without it!

Your parents won’t change their minds as to their belief, but you have your own mind, your own life. Make sure you make the right choices, especially if they affect others.

The only thing I can say to comfort you is that only God knows the state of mind your friend was in at the time of his suicide. We all have to stand before God. He is fair, so don’t worry about your friend anymore. Be thankful for the time you had with such a wonderful person. Hold him in your heart and maybe God will hold him in His.

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